are we speaking the same language?

ever have one of those days when you feel like you're speaking Chinese?

at my work we have these little mini burgers... think burger shots or those little ones they have at Ruby Tuesdays... So we have those and they come in 2's, we call em sliders.
Lady calls and orders 3 sliders, 2 rare 1 no pickle. i explain to her that they come in two packs and ask if thats what she wanted for a total of 6. she says "right, 3 sliders 2 rare 1 no pickle." and i confirm with her "for a total of 6, so 4 rare, 2 no pickle."
"NO! 3 sliders, 2 rare, 1 no pickle. i only need three"

whatever. i dropped the subject and she was getting 6 fucking sliders.

and heres where the fun really began... you see, these little bundles of greasy goodness are 2 whole ounces of meat. they are about 1/4 inch thick, if that, and they can only be cooked one way. DONE. I tell her this, and she starts to argue with me. are you fucking kidding me? Im going to be cooking these things. ive been making them for EIGHT, count em, EIGHT YEARS. i know these things. I told her, i might be able to get them medium, but i was making no promises.
"well, thats not gonna work. i need them rare." she barks at me. "well, like i said, they are seriously a quarter inch thick, ill try, but i cant promise theyre going to turn out rare."

"just make sure they are rare, got it?" sure lady. let me bend over backwards for THAT attitude.

i wanted SO BADLY to burn the shit out of her stupid little burgers, but i gave an honest effort to make them rare. she came, picked them up, and then called about 20 minutes later to complain....

her complaint? she only wanted a total of 3 sliders, and they were medium, not rare.

stupid bitch.

im not high, just easily amused.

just got word that the psycho roommate painted the spare room (my old room) pink for her new bundle of joy. too bad she hasnt had an ultrasound yet. haahaha! god i hope its a boy.

how fucking stupid are you?

i would write more, but im still trying to figure out why im awake.

so i shit in public today...

not really IN public, but in a public bathroom....and even that could be argued considering i was at work, and noone was really there... but whatever

details, details...

it was the greatest thing EVER. Like i was holding it for the just perfect moment, and wow was it wonderful. almost orgasmic.

until it pinched off, hit the bowl, and the cold toilet water splashed my ass.

boy was i pissed.

waffles and bowel movements...

the boy and i went to breakfast this morning and everything was normal... I ordered way more food than i could ever possibly eat, and he ordered waffles and a ham and cheese omelet.

little did he realize the omelet would come with the entire fucking pig stuffed in it... im not kidding.

it has been labeled the omelet from hell.

...and he swears hes never eating ham again. I believe it.


omelet carcass lol


the funniest part of the whole thing, was the look on the waitress's face. i couldn't tell if she thought it was funny or if she was embarrassed.

i was laughing so hard she probably thought i was high.

my breakfast however, was delicious....and of course i didnt finish it.

IM who you have to fuck to get a drink around here...

god ive missed working on fridays. yes, im back working at the bar. its like im destin to DIE there. No matter how long i leave, i always end up back. its like my second little home...second little dysfunctional home with all the crazies. i <3 the crazies. helps me feel normal.

well bitches, im back.

So here I am a year later... new blog, new attitude (well, sorta)

Hopefully I can find some of my old readers so I don't feel like I'm sitting here talking to myself.

Last year was pretty much hell on wheels, so I had to quit writing... after quitting the bar, it got pretty shitty at home, and I didnt want to be online bitching about the hubby, especially since he was one of my readers... Well, we're divorced now. So fuck him.

I don't want to sit here and recap the whole last year, I want to start fresh, with no mention of the ex husband, the bad dates, the psychotic ex friend/roommate, that fucking retard from Pennsylvania, the stalker, the bakery with the bi-polar boss, or that stupid bar that consumed my life.

This year is gonna be a happy bella...

unless of course something pisses me off.